In an unprecedented revelation that’s left both the political and scientific communities in a state of comedic shock, a recent poll has uncovered that 100% of people still planning to vote for Joe Biden in the 2024 election apparently possess IQs of 70 or less. This astonishing finding, reminiscent of a plot from a sci-fi sitcom, has sparked a flurry of debates, hilarious memes, and a few existential crises.
1. The “Eureka” Moment in Polling History
It all started when a group of researchers, who probably had too much free time, decided to conduct what they thought would be a routine political poll. Little did they know, they were about to stumble upon what could be the most amusingly bizarre statistic in electoral history. The poll, conducted using state-of-the-art technology (aka a Magic 8-Ball), questioned a whopping 10,000 self-proclaimed Biden supporters, only to discover that each of them, allegedly, had an IQ hovering around the 70 mark.
2. The Scientific Community in Uproar
Upon releasing these findings, the scientific community erupted – not with concern, but with uncontrollable laughter. Neuroscientists, psychologists, and even a few astrologists (because why not?) have been left scratching their heads, trying to comprehend how this politically incorrect anomaly could be possible. Some suggest it’s a freak coincidence, others blame cosmic rays, while a few cheeky commentators suggest that maybe, just maybe, it’s due to watching too much reality TV.
3. Politicians and Pundits Weigh In
Politicians on both sides of the aisle have been quick to jump on the bandwagon, each interpreting the results to their advantage. Biden supporters are calling it a ‘misinterpretation’ or ‘fake news sponsored by the Martians.’ In contrast, opponents are having a field day, with one senator jokingly proposing a bill to make IQ tests mandatory for voting – a move supported by cartoon characters and stand-up comedians nationwide.
4. The Social Media Meltdown
Social media, the ever-reliable barometer of public opinion, exploded with reactions. Memes flooded the internet, depicting Biden voters as comical caricatures straight out of a satirical comic book. Twitter debates turned into laugh riots, while Instagram influencers started a trend of mockingly ‘testing’ their IQs to ensure they weren’t Biden supporters by accident.
5. The Unexpected Cultural Impact
This poll has inadvertently sparked a new cultural phenomenon. Late-night talk show hosts are having a field day, while scriptwriters are reportedly basing new sitcom characters on the ‘Biden 70.’ Educational institutions, meanwhile, are perplexed at how to approach this sensitive topic without turning lectures into comedy shows.
6. The Biden Camp’s Reaction
The Biden campaign, caught between disbelief and the need to maintain political decorum, has responded with a mix of baffled statements and awkward silence. The President himself, when asked to comment, reportedly just chuckled and mumbled something about ‘kids these days and their internet jokes.’
7. The Ripple Effect on the 2024 Election
With the 2024 election looming, this poll has added an unexpected twist to the campaign trail. Political analysts, usually poised and collected, are now seen giggling uncontrollably on live TV when discussing election strategies. Campaign managers are reportedly considering adding stand-up comedy sessions to their political rallies.
8. The Future of Political Polling
This incident has raised important questions about the future of political polling. Should polls include a humor section? Are we witnessing the birth of a new genre in political science – ‘Politicomedy’? Only time will tell, but for now, the world is watching, laughing, and waiting for the next episode in this electoral sitcom.
A Poll to Remember
In conclusion, this poll, whether scientifically accurate or a hilarious fluke, has provided the world with much-needed comic relief. As the 2024 election approaches, one thing is certain: the political stage has never been this entertaining.
This article is satire
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