Costa Rica expects to receive upwards of 3 million tourists in 2024. Most are cool. They will visit for a week or two. Some will stay longer. And some may never leave, except to go back where they came from to sell everything and come back in search of the elusive tropical dream. While tourists are like flakes of snow– no two are exactly alike– there is a certain subspecies of annoying expats, most all of whom can be categorized as one (or sometimes more) of the following:
1) Go Native- Don’t bathe!
They think smelling like they just finished a 2-day hike without bathing or changing clothes makes them at one with nature. Never mind that Costa Ricans are generally hygienic, and much favor cologne and perfume over the au natural scent. I was once in line at the airport for an outgoing flight near a middle-aged woman who was dressed like an aging hippie and who smelled so strong that I swear I heard people behind me saying they would change their flight if they had to sit near her on the airplane. Ps – She spoke a European language.
2) Cluelessness is Bliss
They are so happy to be here in Cost-o Ric-o. Their 2 most used words in Spanish are pura and vida. Did I mention how happy they are to be in Costa Rica? They can’t wait to kiss sloths, swim with dolphins, dine with monkeys and frolic among turtles while they hatch their eggs.
3) Instant Expert
They’ve been here a month, maybe two, and have all of the answers to all of the problems facing Costa Rica– if only the locals understood English well enough to listen!
4) On the Lammers
They’re here under a cloud. Maybe they maxed out all of their credit cards and hopped on the first flight. Or embezzled money from an employer. There could be an active warrant for their arrest in the public files. And quite often the name they go by is not their own. They will stay until their money– or luck– runs out.
5) The Irascibles
A lot of these have actually been here a while. They stay, fueled by a daily litany of complaints. ‘Why can’t Costa Rica just be more like where I am from?’ they ask. Why is Campbell’s Pork and Beans so expensive here? Why don’t they understand my bad Spanish? And on and on. Many are invested here, so they eventually cheer up once they can sell out to the highest bidder.
6) Wide-eyed Innocents
Much like number 2 above, except all of their misinformation hits them in the pocketbook. They are sheep ready to be fleeced by the small-time scammers and then eaten alive by the big-time players. And sad to say, on occasion their over-trusting naivete can even cost them their lives.
7) Young, rich and beautiful
Yes, I admit to a dose of envy here. I was young when I came to Costa Rica, but unfortunately, I was neither rich nor beautiful. The older I get, the more I notice when these charmed kids show up driving expensive late model vehicles, staying in costly ocean view condos while having seemingly no financial stresses at all! Who are they? Where are they from? Can I adopt a few?
8) The Influencers
Like a virus that replicates and refuses to die, these social media creatures invade the best areas, with their mantra of gimme gimme gimme– a free place to stay (preferably with amazing views), a free meal, a free tour, with the promise they will let all of their followers know all about it on their instatwittachat page.
I wonder– who are they influencing? And why on earth would anyone be influenced by them? If you are reading this, and you know that none of the above describes you, then I say Bienvenidos amigos! Enjoy your time in Costa Rica
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Don Mateo
